Hitting the sack immediately. You can call it hooking up, shacking up, or bedding down – but if you jump into the horizontal mambo too quickly, the only call you’ll be getting is a booty call. If you’re the kind of person that’s into casual sex (and if you are, you’d better be protecting yourself!), then skip this section. But if you’re looking for a potentially serious relationship, give it some time before you slip between the sheets with your new fling. Sleeping with someone right away puts emphasis on the physical attraction and downplays the emotional attraction. You’re not going to make someone love you by having sex with them; that’s just not the way things work. Remember, great sex doesn’t make for a great relationship.
Pursuing the unattainable. Perhaps there’s someone you’d love to date, but who has demonstrated time and time again that he doesn’t feel the same way about you that you do about him. Pushing your way into his life isn’t going to help you win him over – in fact, it will probably do quite the opposite (can you say “restraining order?”). If you’ve expressed your feelings to someone, and those feelings aren’t mutual, don’t waste all your time hoping he’ll come around. Move on in search of better prospects. You don’t want someone whose feelings for you are merely lukewarm, anyway!
Having vastly different life goals. Opposites may attract, and that’s fine – if “opposite” means that you prefer chocolate while he prefers vanilla, or other such mundane things. But it’s important that you find out your mate’s biggest goals and dreams, and measure them against yours. Could you handle living in his dream condo in the heart of the city, when all you’ve ever wanted was a few acres and some chickens? Does it matter if he wants to raise his kids Jewish, even if you’re a devout Catholic? In the early stages of a relationship, we’re so in looooove (read: infatuated) that we tend to overlook important issues like this, taking the starry-eyed view that our love can overcome anything. (Or just the “we’ll-cross-that-bridge-when-we-come-to-it” approach.) But you don’t want to find yourself in a committed relationship and suddenly realizing that neither of you is willing to change your goals for the other.
Trying to find Mr. Perfect. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying you shouldn’t have high standards when it comes to choosing your guy. But set your sights too high, and you’re bound to do some serious overlooking. Have a clear idea of what you want in a mate, but be flexible: does he really have to be six foot two, brown-haired, blue-eyed, with a job in sales, his own house, and open to having three or more cats? If you can’t seem to find the right guy, you may be looking too hard. Keep your standards, but try not to be overly picky: be realistic about what you want.
Settling for less. At the other end of the spectrum, there are those of us who settle into a less-than-ideal relationship just because it’s secure. We have the attitude of, “Well, he’s not exactly my soul mate, but at least I’m not single.” Don’t sell yourself short! You’re only cheating yourself and your partner out of a great relationship by staying together “just because.” Is it really easier than dating? And if it is, is it worth being unhappy for?