Setting the family dinner table is fast becoming a lost art. With soccer practice, dance classes, speech meets and parents working late, few families even attempt to gather around the table at dinnertime anymore. Liquid breakfasts, cafeteria lunches and drive through dinners have made the American family a high speed, low drag unit that rarely gathers together for at least one meal a day anymore. Many people argue that this is a major cause of the breakdown of the family unit, but that is a subject that should be explored elsewhere at another time. Setting the table may seem like a chore, but it is a lesson well learned as you never know when your child may be called upon to set a table – maybe next Saturday at his friend Bobby’s house or maybe years from now when he finally has his own apartment and wants to entertain his friends in style. The simple act of teaching your child how to set a basic table will always serve him well. What I am about to share is how to set a basic, casual table. There is no reason that you should set an everyday table with three forks, two knives, three spoons, four glasses and three plates for each place setting. This is just a simple setting for a family style meal.

Tablecloth

Whether or not you have a table cover is completely up to you. If you have a wooden table made of a soft wood, like pine, with a delicate finish, you should consider using a table cover for your own peace of mind. Table cloths and place mats can provide you with an easy cleanup, but there is no rule of etiquette for table covers at casual meals so the choice is completely yours.

Place Mat

One thing you may consider while teaching your child how to set the table is making place mats from heavy paper (like shopping bags) and drawing pictures of forks, knives, spoons, etc. in the places where they should be set. This is an especially fun way to teach your young child about setting the table. You can draw in the utensils, napkin, plate and glass on the place mat and then let your child customize each place mat for each family member with Crayons, markers or colored pencils. These would likely be one-time use only place mats, but the repetition of customizing each family member’s place mat can be a great way of teaching your child how to arrange a place setting and the coloring can be a great way to pass a rainy afternoon!

Setting

From left to right, your place setting should include the following: a napkin, one fork, one plate, one knife, one spoon and one glass or cup.

Much ado is made about napkin folding, but that sort of presentation is unnecessary at a casual table. Simply fold the napkin in half and place the fork, tines up, on top of it at the far left of your place setting. (Tines are the points on the fork.) Restaurants do wonderful things with napkin folding. For more information on how to make creative folds, you may consider reading more on entertaining by Martha Stewart.

To the right of your fork should be a dinner plate or the room necessary to place a dinner plate. If you are having soup or salad before your main course, the soup bowl or salad plate should be placed on top of the dinner plate. Many restaurants place what is called a “charger plate” here. It is there for decoration only and is always removed before the main course arrives.

Immediately to the right of your plate should be the butter knife with its blade facing the dinner plate. In the event you may be having steak for dinner, you should place the steak knife to the immediate right of the dinner plate, blade facing the plate, and then place your butter knife to the right of that with its blade facing the steak knife. Restaurants will generally place the butter knife across the bread plate which is a plate not commonly used at the family table. As for steak knives, they are usually delivered to the table along with the steak.

To the right of the knife or knives goes the teaspoon. At a casual family dinner, the teaspoon may be used for dessert, coffee or even in the often frustrating spaghetti roundup. If your dinner guests will be having both coffee and dessert, you might want to include two teaspoons in each place setting or simply bring out the spoons when coffee and dessert are served. If you’ll be serving a soup before your main course, you should include the larger soup spoon to the right of your teaspoons. Don’t have soup spoons? Just use a teaspoon. It is unlikely the children will mind.

Glasses and Cups

Directly above the spoon is where you will place the water glass. Many families have grown away from serving water with meals and include soft drinks with the meal instead. Personally, I believe that water needs to make a comeback. Not only do Americans not drink nearly enough fresh, clean water, but the simple act of having water with a meal can help us to fill up faster and eat just a bit less which is a good thing for most American families these days. If you don’t serve water with meals, you might consider the benefits of washing down a healthy meal with a tall glass of water rather than allowing your children to fill up on the sugary, sweetness of soft drinks. (If wine will be served with the meal, a wine glass should be placed above each fork.)

In the event that you will be serving coffee and dessert, remember to clear away all of the dirty dinner plates and utensils prior to bringing out the coffee cups and dessert plates. This is, however, a custom from a bygone era. Gone are the days when the children are dismissed from the table after dinner to enable mother and father to enjoy a cup of coffee together and discuss their day.

Have you been wondering why your family isn’t closer than it is? Perhaps you are missing a special element to your family life like a shared meal. Family dinners can give your family so much more than a simple meal. They provide you with opportunities to teach your children important social skills, touch base with your entire family through civilized dinner conversation and build a close family unit by spending time together each day. With all of those benefits, can your family really afford to skip dinner at home?