Consider this scenario: a three-year-old boy is running in the park, giggling as his indulgent father pretends to chase him. Ka-boom! Tripping over his own feet, the youngster falls to the ground. Does he immediately burst into tears? No: his first response is to look at his father. Children take their cues on how to behave from their parents, and this is particularly true with very young children.

My Three Sons

When it comes to knowing how to respond to childhood injuries, it takes two elements: experience – and love. To tap those sources, we sought out an expert: a single father who is raising three young boys on his own.

Bruce Carson became a parent at age 22, when his first son, Taylor, was born. That young man recently celebrated his thirteenth birthday, sharing his cake with his two younger brothers: Baylee, who is seven, and Dylan, who just achieved the “almost a big boy” age of four.

“Over the years, I have witnessed a lot of horrible accidents, crashes, and bashes with these boys,” says Bruce. “My philosophy on reacting to and treating injuries has drastically changed in my 13 years of parenting.”

Band-Aids and Kisses

Initially, he thought that the key in responding, regardless of the severity of the injury, was to “rush to my injured child to offer condolences, band-aids, hugs and tears. My kids would always come through, and they healed quite quickly.” However, when they discovered that they received rewards in the form of attention and treats for their bumps and bruises, they “always cried and really took advantage of the situation,” Bruce admits.

For example, suppose that Baylee bumped into a wall and hit his elbow. As a young father, Bruce reacted by “spending all kinds of time and money fixing the bump. First came the ice bag that I had to prepare and hold on the child’s head for a good 10 minutes. while holding the child and enduring dripping tears and ice water dripping all over me.”

The next step: after the child had stopped crying, Bruce would take him to the store “because it was imperative that the child had a Popsicle to make him feel better. Once the Popsicle was gone, the tears would start again and the child would explain that perhaps a candy bar or even money would help the pain. Basically, a bump on the head could become an all-day event that would make my head hurt worse than the original injury because of my stress headache!”

Learning Through Observing

As Bruce matured, he began to observe other parents and note how they reacted to injuries. He realized that quite often, the children were fine, only crying if their mother or father reacted emotionally. “I witnessed children involved in horrible crashes that went unnoticed by their parents. The kids just got up, brushed themselves off and moved on,” Bruce recalls now. However, that same event would result in a different outcome if a parent became involved and responded with a concerned comment, such as “Oh my goodness, Johnny, you fell in the sand, are you ok? What can I do to help you?”

As an example, Bruce describes an incident when his son Taylor was about five years old and they lived on a steep hill that Taylor loved to ride his bike on. “Dad, watch me, watch me,” said Taylor one day as he started off at the top of the hill, pushing himself off before flying down the hill.

“I watched him maneuver through the trees like a professional driver when all of a sudden, our dog chased after him and bumped him,” says Bruce. “Taylor lost control of his bike, flipped over the bars, and tumbled down the hill for a while until an oak tree stopped him.” Bruce walked down the hill and, intentionally staying calm, said, “Taylor, that was the coolest crash that I have ever seen!” He helped up his son, who took his cue from his father’s response. “Taylor did not shed a single tear,” Bruce recalls now. He brushed off the dirt, bandaged up his cuts, and “he was on his bike trying to break the speed record again in about five minutes.”

Appreciating the Differences

For those parenting more than one child, Bruce notes that it is important to be aware of and appreciate the differences between your children. “Dylan is the most sensitive of my boys, reacting more strongly than the others when he’s hurt,” says this experienced father thoughtfully. In contrast, his oldest son, Taylor, always seeks to act “cool. He comes home from the skate park with bruises, bumps, and abrasions all over him, and he seems impervious!”

Bruce also emphasizes that having more than one child can provide the opportunity to teach empathy. “Taylor is the most sympathetic of all my boys, responding almost in a fatherly way.” Recently, for example, Baylee was practicing baseball and Dylan walked behind him just as Baylee swung the bat backwards. “Dylan screamed with pain when the bat hit his cheek, and Taylor immediately consoled him, then ran for an ice bag. I think parents can use injuries as a way to help their children learn to show that they care about each other.”

Lessons Learned the Bump’n’Bruise Way

The lesson that Bruce learned from such experiences: “Kids are a lot tougher than adults, and they react to our reactions more than they react to the incidents that happen to them.” This experienced father, however, is quick to add that it is important to “care about your children.” It is also important, however, Bruce points out, not to over-react when a child trips or hurts himself in some way, “because they will react to your actions.”

Bruce uses his experience every day when caring for his three active young boys. “Now that I am a single Dad taking care of my boys all of the time, I apply this reaction philosophy,” notes Bruce. Recently, for example, four-year-old Dylan ran across the room, fell, and hit his head against the wall. Bruce made sure that his son was all right, and the little boy immediately “started running again.”

The key message that Bruce hopes to pass along to other parents: “Love your children, care for them when they are really hurt, and think before you react.”