For some parents, mealtime can be the most difficult part of the day. Some children never want to stop playing to do something as mundane as eating, while others seem to dislike every food placed in front of them. These minor battles can quickly escalate into a power struggle if not handled properly.

Scheduling Meals

Children are creatures of habit. It’s no accident that schools and daycares keep a strict schedule – children transition better from one activity to another if they can expect to make the same transition, at approximately the same time, every day. You can use this technique in your home, as well. Establish a daily routine. For example, eat breakfast after everyone is dressed and before the day’s activities begin; eat lunch after the morning’s activities are over and before naptime; eat dinner once the entire family is home for the day and before a favorite TV show (or other winding-down activities) begins. When a child knows that “after we play outside, we eat lunch,” there will be less resistance when it comes time to go inside. Of course, it is always a good idea to give reminders, to keep the child mindful of the upcoming transition: “In five minutes we will go inside for lunch.” Remember, the initial resistance to mealtime is often due to a poorly managed transition; kids tend to become very focused on interesting activities, so much so that to stop playing for lunch may seem like an impossibility.

Snacks can be a part of the daily routine, as well. For instance, a mid-afternoon snack can take place right after the child wakes up from her nap, and a bedtime snack can be given after the child has bathed and dressed for bed. Schedule the snacks so that they logically follow other activities, and be sure that you do not schedule snacks too soon before meals. However, for children with small appetites, offering snacks may deter them from eating their meals. Select a snack schedule that works best for your child’s needs, and do not allow your child to eat between snack times; keeping your schedule will encourage good eating habits by ensuring that your child is hungry at mealtimes.

Food Choices – Likes and Dislikes

A picky eater can be a parent’s worst nightmare. Often, however, the best solution is not to try to force the child to eat more, but to hold more reasonable expectations. Young children naturally tend to like bland colored, bland tasting, and familiar foods. When considered in an evolutionary context, this tendency makes perfect sense: in the wild, poisonous plants are often brightly colored with a sharp flavor. Picky eaters are therefore acting on a deep-rooted instinct to protect themselves, and not (as it might seem) an inclination to provoke their parents.

It’s a good bet that if you asked your own mother, she would recall (and with fondness) one or two foods that you preferred above all others. And if you asked her if you eventually outgrew your picky eating habits, chances are she would say you had. (I don’t know of any adults who eat only macaroni and cheese.) However, most people can recall a certain food that they were forced to eat as a child, and now abhor so strongly that they will never eat it again. With the modern world’s availability of food and the advancement of health-related science, there is little danger of malnutrition, but a lasting negative impression can be caused by an attempt to force a child to eat a food they do not yet have a taste for. In extreme cases, trying to make a child eat certain foods or a certain amount can turn into a battle of wills that is totally unnecessary, and that usually results in the child eating nothing at all.

Meals should be a combination of one or two favorite foods, and one or two unfamiliar foods. A general rule of thumb is that before a child will be comfortable experimenting with a new food, you must first place it in front of him, along with his tried-and-true foods, as many as a dozen times without pressuring him to try it. Once a child becomes accustomed to seeing the new food on his plate, he will be comfortable sampling it. Once again, however, do not pressure him in any way. Even if he doesn’t seem particularly pleased by the new food, it does not necessarily mean he won’t like it; but if you comment on it, you in effect label the food as an “unlikeable” food. Refrain from commenting, but continue to provide the child with the new food. Eventually, he may develop a taste for it. If he does not, however, do not worry – his tastes may change over time, or he may, in fact, never like that particular food. Remember, it is perfectly normal to dislike a few foods consistently over the course of a lifetime.

Junk Food

With these points in mind, it is important to address the issue of junk food. An overabundance of junk food in the household can increase the potential for power struggles over food, by providing far too many tasty – and, ultimately, unhealthful – alternatives to ordinary food. The best strategy to take is to limit the availability of junk food, from the very beginning of a child’s life if possible. It is perfectly acceptable to keep a few favorite snacks on hand, but beware of exceeding the reasonable limit – if children are allowed to satisfy their hunger with processed, high calorie sweet or salty snacks, their appetites for healthful food will dim.

Modeling

Children learn by example. Like the saying, “Monkey see, monkey do,” young children tend to copy the role models in their lives. For this reason, the behavior a parent models impacts the child far more than the rules parents verbalize. Stick to the meal schedule yourself; if your child catches you sneaking a snack in the pantry, she is likely to sneak around behind your back, as well. While you don’t have to pretend to like all foods, you can downplay your dislikes by drawing attention to a wide range of likes. Also, it is important to model good eating habits when it comes to junk food. If sweets and greasy, salty snacks are only selectively available and rarely a part of your diet, your child is far less likely to refuse to eat dinner in favor of a treat.

Consistency

Possibly the most important rule in child rearing is to be consistent. A rule that is enforced only occasionally will not warrant the same respect from a child as a rule that is kept without exception. Whether selecting a meal and snack schedule, setting standards for healthy eating habits, or making rules regarding food choices, you must be consistent in your expectations in order to see consistent results in your child.